chris's crash

most are on the floor

my friend, stacey - a high school buddy, believe it or not, and i used to describe our stress level this way...

you know the 'bunch of balls' they are pulling out of the playlands at mcdonald's?  those little, round, colorful balls... did you ever try to grab an armful?  sure, you could hold onto a few, a couple in your hands, and if you were quick grab one or two between your arm and your chest and if you got any more they would squeeze out... but could you grab and hold on to them? 

so our description of stress was "i have two in my hand and 10 on the floor"... good days were "i've got them lined up on my arm and if i walk carefully they will stay put..."

today, i dropped my last one.

it was one of those days i stopped and realized i should be stressed out.  then when i realized i should be , i suddenly was...

i have family issues, work issues and church issues.  a trifecta.

so where does God want me in all of this?  is this a "HEY TERI, I'M TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION" thing?  or is this a waiting thing?  do i get to know what any of it means soon?  or ... is it a waiting thing?

my friend doesn't know where she will be leaving at the end of this year...heck...at the end of this summer!  another friend is adjusting to being back at work and still nursing her almost 13 week-old. people we visited over the weekend don't know where they are sleeping tonight or where their next meal is coming from.  someone is battling cancer.

even still, days like today, i feel like i am standing in a corner by myself - and i want to yell... "hey...i need help, too. my problems may not seem huge, but they feel crazy right now"...

so tonight i will pray for my friends, and those we visit on saturdays, and the kids in my youth group, and those battling personal battles - and for peace beyond understanding... and maybe for a bucket... so they aren't all on the floor at the same time...

--t

Which Jesus

This is the most amazing thing I have heard, read or seen in a while. Read the following and we will chat after.

Which Jesus do you follow? Which Jesus do you serve? If Ephesians says to imitate Christ, Why do you look so much like the world?

My Jesus bled and died. He spent his time with thieves and liars. He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant. So, which do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, or bless me with the wealth of this land. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness. Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands.

My Jesus bled and died for my sins. He spent his time with thieves and sluts and liars. He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable. So, which do you want to be?

Who is it that you follow? This picture of the American dream. If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side? Or fall down and worship at His holy feet.

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion. Is that how you see Him as He dies for your sins? But the Word says He was battered and scarred, or did you miss that part. Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him.

My Jesus bled and died. He spent his time with thieves and the least of these. He loved the poor and accosted the rich. So, which do you want to be?

My Jesus would never be accepted in my church. The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet. But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud. I think He would prefer Beale St. to this stained glass crowd But I know He can hear me if I cry out loud.

I want to be like my Jesus.

Not a poster child for American prosperity, but like my Jesus. You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity, I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means, to be like my Jesus. Cause You said to live like You, love like You, but then You died for me.

Can I be like you Jesus.

Written by Todd Agnew

Wow!!!!!!

What does it say when a Christian artist will record a song that says that Jesus Christ would not be accepted in his church? I am somewhat new to Christianity, only following Christ for a few years now. In my time I have been in several churches and I have to agree with this song; I prefer being in downtown Phoenix with the cast outs, the drug users, the hungry, the criminals, the lost sheep rather then being in a church standing next to most of you. I have not seen Christ in Christianity in a long time but I see Him every weekend while I am downtown feeding His people.

Ask yourself; What Jesus do you want to follow? If it is a Jesus like mine then come join me on a Saturday morning sometime. Maybe we can see Him together. I hope to see you there

an ad i'll answer

"are you tired?

worn out?

burned out on religion?

come to me.

get away with me and you'll recover your life - i'll show you how to take real rest."

--jesus in matthew 11:28    (the message)

is it too late to sign up?

--t

ker-pow!!

the changes are coming fast and furious these days and as i try my best to hold on to each moment, the world is insisting on blurring by me.  we went to a rehearsal dinner last night and i marveled at the fact that i still remember finding out that greg was "on his way to minnesota to finish the engagement journey"... i remember how planning a wedding makes you cry ... one day you are crying because you are happy and the next you are crying because you literally want to kill everyone and elope - come on, you know i am right.

my wedding day (okay my REAL wedding day) came after much work and hope - and it flew by.  it was the most perfect day, but it literally felt like the day was on fast forward.   i can remember pieces of being in the hospital when my boys were born... but they are short little pieces, like a dvd that's skipping... chris and i talk about things that happened "back when we first got together, a couple years ago..." well, no, back then is now almost six years ago! where is all this time going?  why did i blink so long and miss all this?  when did my youngest son, adam, grow as tall as i am? when did my oldest reach "almost 18"?  stop! i want to get off!

all these moments in time...in our lives, in the lives of others - gone before we can take them apart and be in them.   

these changes coming make all the other memories more fuzzy as i try to hang on to these...    what movie was it - some couple was in a really great moment and the chick just stops and slaps the guy! full on slap across the face!  with his hand to his now-stinging face, he looks mystified, "what did you do that for??" 

"now we'll remember this moment forever" she says.

i promise to not start slapping each of you in an effort to keep you close to my heart - but if i do, know that it really is because i love you...

--t

Spit wads and sticky bombs

There is a spot near the end of the movie Saving Private Ryan where the American troops have found Ryan and have decided to stay a defend the bridge.

One of the guys is going over the very limited inventory of weapons they have available to them. “2 30 caliber machine guns, a few grenades and assorted small arms.” “It might as well be spit wads if they are rolling tanks at us and which there’d sure to do” says Tom Hanks.

The conversation turns to stopping a tank. Tom Hanks comes up with a “sticky bomb” The regular weapons weren’t enough to stop the tank but Tom used a unconventional idea. Stuff as much TNT into a sock and cover it with axel grease. It becomes a bomb that sticks, “a sticky bomb”

Put one of those on the tracks of a tank and the tank is in big trouble.

-----

Today a small group of good friends went into downtown

Phoenix

and faced a group of the ugliest, meanest, and most dangerous tanks I have ever seen. Our problem was spit wads; all we had was spit wads.

The first tank was big and dangerous, it was called hunger. The second was smaller but twice as deadly, it was loneliness. The third and final one was not much of a normal tank at all. It was smaller and dark in color. I was very fast and its skin was much thicker then normal. It was the hardest to stop; it was hopelessness.

We thought we were ready for this one but we weren’t. We went down there with 137 sack lunches. Good lunches, sandwiches, bottled water, treats, fruit, and vegetables. It was a good hit on the tank called hunger but not near enough. We could have used 500 lunches.

A few conversations were made. No agenda just chatting and listening. A little something to say you’re not alone.

Hopelessness was fast. It was so quick it felt like it was everywhere.

Jesus Christ knew the power of touching someone. He could have healed the leper with words but he touched him instead. Our group passed out a few hugs. A quick embrace that we hope said Jesus loves you and I love you.

So my question……???? How do we turn our spit wads into something explosive?

she gets it

My friend, Zanne, listens.

She laughs. 

Zanne wraps her arms and hugs.

She gets the movie lines, the music references and the off-color jokes.

All that makes me up, she gets.

She gets my kid and my husband, too. 

She sees this whole package and loves.

Everyone needs a Zanne – I am so thankful and blessed that she is here. 

God’s grace is wrapped up and presented to us in friends who love us right at our messy, crazy lives.  They share their own craziness and help you to see that it is the messiness that gives our lives color and defines our strengths and weaknesses.   God knows we need a walking, breathing vision of His love and He so graciously gives us each other – to laugh and lighten our spirit, to cry and wash clean the hurt,  to love and belong – to each other, to Him.

My prayer is that Zanne has a Zanne.  And that she listens and laughs and hugs and gets her…right where she is at.

Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.  Prov 27:9 The Message

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.  Prov 27:9 NIV

--t

in and out

i found something new i like to do.  i actually used to do it a lot - and i didn't realize how much i missed it.   

i started breathing again. 

breathing gets the oxygen to your lungs which filter it to your blood providing nutrients important for your body -all the while flushing out the toxins.   the whole process maintains a precious balance in the body.

something so simple, yet easy to overlook the benefits of really doing it well. 

i forgot how much i enjoy really breathing - enough in to provide what i need and enough out to get rid of that which i no longer need. 

think i'll do it more often.

--t

my knot's come undone

these things have caused the final demise of the knot i tied at the end of my rope...

-someone who desires to encourage your relationship with God above all does not demand you kill yourself for their cause first.

-someone who gives an ultimatum is full of fear and pride, neither qualities of a healthy leader.

-someone who truly recognizes your heart for service and efforts in such does not ask for more and then not support your efforts.

-someone who knows in his or her heart that we are all messy does not call people out for their own pet peeve sins, but recognizes that sin is sin in God's eyes and encourages us to walk along side each other to help us through the really messy times.

-someone who bans a child of Christ from a community is building walls so high, no true light will ever get in...no growth will take place... and people will find a way out to find the light - despite the walls.

it is not one thing that got me to the end of my rope.  it is not one thing that unraveled my knot. 

i felt for a long time that strength was given to me to keep tying knots - hang in and keep working.  recently, though, i feel our part of this battle is done. 

sometimes God uses consequences to get one's attention.  is our part now in the form of consequences? 

--t

soft landing

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" -- Galations 1:10

we are finding ourselves at a crossroads of sorts. but only because we are allowing ourselves to be there.  there is a clear path. it may not be well-paved or the easiest, but a clear one, nonetheless.  i'm not sure if it is stubbornness, fear, pride, or just honest old wishful thinking that keeps us at this crossroads.

this verse, this simple verse that paul wrote - made me realize, we need to step back from our spot in that intersection - and assess our view.  from what direction are we seeking guidance and approval?  who are we trying appease? 

that kicking and screaming group - at which i arrive much easier these days, brought something to light for me.  we look outward for love and approval and all the things our soul needs to feel "enough".  imagine how fulfilling it would be to look up and receive the overabundance of grace and love.  when we are right with God it must be like leaning back and not flinching... fully anticipating the soft landing in Him.  we are filled to overflowing and can share what is brimming over in us with those around us rather than finding frustration when they don't meet what we need.

these two thoughts came together for me - making me see - we cannot gain what we are seeking from a man.  not from any man, but specifically the man we have been looking to.  no fault of his own - he is, after all, a man.  despite his attempts to convince us that he knows he is a man - we think there might remain some confusion in him.  the confusion lies in us, too, or has. until now.  it is only now i see that we cannot do God's work by trying to please anyone but God.  it is not His will that we break our backs trying to make something work for our own edification - but positively affecting His kingdom by listening to Him, following Him, doing His work - not ours.

so - this crossroad i mentioned - i believe there is one way that leads to attempting to satisfy our human need to "finish", to stick it out, make it work, prove we can... win?  there is another - less obvious only because we can't see around the bend. 

i want to lean back and not flinch.

--t

Appearance

"People come here who are hiding a vast majority of their lives from their loved ones, co - workers and friends. They present the appearance of being spiritual people who are knowledgeable about the Bible. And yet we all know that information is not transformation."

This is a quote from a web page called "Setting the Captives Free" It is a site dedicated to spiritual discipline.

What is it about ourselves that we feel the need to hide parts of ourselves in darkness. Most of us know exactly what I am talking about. We talked about it during "Wild at Heart". The poser is part of most of our lives. We put the best foot forward and hide the brokenness in the shadow.

I believe it is one of the biggest parts of finding the true FREEDOM God gives each of us is stepping into the light. I have learned that I can't beat the poser by myself. I need the power of the Living God working deep in my soul. God is the Light. If you ask him to enter your darkness He will destroy the shadows you are currently hiding in. You need to want Him to enter, He waits for you to ask.

I asked God to enter my life and take away the darkness. I heard a voice as clear as day saying-- "I am here for your my son. I love you and nothing you have ever done will change that. I will help you during this time of need. I am here for you and I love you." Then I heard Him say, "I need you to use the tools I have given you and together we will fight back darkness" I had to think about that, use the tools. I called two good friends and told them where I was and I broke it down for them. I felt Light start to pour upon me. I talked to my wonderful wife and was completely honest with her. The light was getting brighter. I found a class I could study through and it started getting hot. I found myself in a place I don't remember being. The last few days of my life have been incredible. The power of Jesus Christ pounding in my chest everyday is overwhelming.

I beg each one of you to stop what you are doing right now and spend some deep time in prayer. Ask God what parts of your life are you hiding in the shadows? Ask God to shine His light into your life and experience the freedom I have found in Jesus Christ.

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible" (Eph. 5:8 - 14).